Farewell, Dad

Today, I’m just going to tell a short story of God’s provision in the life of my family. If you doubt that God is working or present in your life, read this and consider.

At the end of last semester when I was in my second semester at Auburn, I struggled mentally and emotionally. I had strong feelings of homesickness and heavy, exhausting sadness. It’s pretty hard to describe, but at times I felt I couldn’t make it through the week- much less the semester. It was so hard to see through my emotions and see the light at the end of the tunnel. All I wanted to do was go home. We attributed it to being overwhelmed, which made sense since I had quite a few new responsibilities- including 16 hours of classes (Spanish made it feel like 20.)

I knew the homesickness was very odd. I was only 40-ish minutes from home and was able to go home on weekends a good bit- definitely more than most college students. I started going home almost every weekend towards the end of the semester, my family would come visit me in Auburn and eat dinner with me and I texted and called my parents a lot. In a way, I felt a little bit of shame about it. Was I not capable of living on my own? I’m not that helpless, am I? Most college students are happy to be out on their own.

Also, my sister, Gracie, started teaching and moved back home last August. The whole family was reunited.

Now, I see what God was doing, why I had that homesick feeling in my heart. I was spending the last few months getting closer to my dad before he passed away midway through summer. Our family was all together for the last of his days, and for that I am thankful.

Even though I didn’t see what was happening at the time, and I questioned what I was feeling and why, God had a plan all along. I look back on it glad for the way things happened. Yes, there are things I regret and things I would do differently if I had known my dad was going to die so soon, but in a way I feel like God was preparing me for it.

That doesn’t make it easy, but that teaches me to trust God with what is happening now. He knew what he was doing before and He does now. None of us can explain what happened or what was the purpose for it, but I have no doubt that God’s timing doesn’t fail.

“‘For I know the plans I have for you’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.’” -Jeremiah 29:11.

Now, in light of bad circumstances, it is time for us to live out this verse and put our faith on display.