Farewell, Dad

Grief doesn’t end after a week, a month, or even a year. It has been over two months since my dad passed away, and everything just feels different.

While I still miss him a lot, and it still feels crazy, it has finally set in. He’s gone. That is proof that I’m moving along in the grief process, but some amazing things have happened already in this busy, crazy, fun semester at Auburn. Things I can only attribute to God’s loyal presence in my life. I’m not even a month in to the fall semester? Can’t be.

Before the good times came, sadness hit me.

On the second week of class, my dad’s passing hadn’t quite set in yet. But it came on after a long, busy day of classes and the first meeting of the year for the Plainsman. It was raining, and the mood was gloomy. When I finally drove back to my apartment, it was rainy and dark. I hadn’t been sad all day, but I had “Even Though I’m Leaving” by Luke Combs stuck in my head repetitively.

I got home, and I was exhausted. So much had happened, and I wanted someone to talk to. Naturally, I thought, “okay, I’ll text dad.” Then I remembered, and I couldn’t hold back my emotions this time. I cried for about 20 minutes straight, and then I scrolled through his Instagram and looked at pictures. Looking at and sharing pictures always makes me feel better.

That is when I vividly remember his death really feeling real for the first time. Before, I knew it was real, I have the memory of what happened forever etched in my brain, but it always felt like I was waiting for him to get home — as if he was on a trip or on vacation. Being in Auburn and in a new setting, I could really feel the weight of what happened, and it hurt.

Since that night, though, I’ve really had a good time for the most part. I’m busy and tired, but I am having fun. Some amazing things have happened over just these last few weeks that I want to share.

First, at the church that I am involved in at Auburn, Lakeview Baptist, we have College Bible Study (CBS) on Wednesday nights. It’s a new school year, meaning new incoming students and a new start. We began a new study topic: Jesus’ Parables in the gospel of Matthew. Why is this amazing, you might ask? Not only are the Parables impactful and a great thing to learn from, but dad wrote an album for kids called “Parables” that kind of simplified and explained the Parables for kids to a catchy tune.

What a coincidence, right? Keep reading.

Last Tuesday, I attended my first Lakeview college small group meeting. It went well, and we talked and got to know each other, but at the end, we split into guys and girls. There were only three guys there and one left early, so me and our guy leader talked one-on-one. I never would’ve guessed at the end of the few minutes we talked that we’d have such a bond. Eventually, we were talking about ourselves and where we were in college. I mentioned that I was a senior, but I pushed my graduation date back to December of 2023 so I could take the summer off, and that I was glad I did because my dad passed away during the summer. He said something like “well, I know how you feel because my dad had a heart attack and passed away about 4 months ago.”

Jaw drop. Between the small group, my church, my friends, my colleagues and friends at the Plainsman, and my family, I always have someone to talk to. Not only are times hard with my dad passing, I have struggled with loneliness all throughout college, and especially in my first year (only a year?!) at Auburn. That’s a prayer answered.

Lastly, let me explain the picture at the top. I have worn that chain for, I don’t know, four years? I don’t really know why, I just like the way that it looks. Now I have a real reason to wear it. When I went home one night, my Aunt Kimberly (dad’s sister) left our family a gift, and mine was that cross, which is filled with flowers that she saved from my dad’s casket. It’s beautiful, meaningful, and I love it. It is now one of my most prized possessions. Not only is it a reminder that dad is with me, it looks pretty good on my chain, too.

I’m in just my fourth week of the fall semester at Auburn, but I have been blessed again and again — these are just a few examples. I understand that dad is gone now, but he will not be forgotten as long as I live.